Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
