I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
