Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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