Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
