man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I need moral support for this bender
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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