maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Holy shit dude........stairs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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