He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
