And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
