i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
