if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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