I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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