community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
