She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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