i'm signing you up for texting rehab
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
