just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize