Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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