I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
