Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
