So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
