i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
