I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
