shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
as a side note pls kill me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
