i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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