your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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