my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
