hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
BRING THE BAGELS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
