I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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