Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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