Christians are straight up FREAKS
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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