Whod you bang
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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