they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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