Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We need to get me chipped asap
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
