he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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