You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
