Three words: puerto rican gang bang
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
NoShamevember. You game?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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