How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
