There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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