Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
