Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
