If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
