I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
