so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
