so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
