so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
