two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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