He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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