Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
