I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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