Will you blow on my dice?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
