just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
