i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
