Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
