Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
