I'm gonna have a badass scar
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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