i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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