I want to stick my p in your. b.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The air was thick with penises
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
