Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
