I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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