Whod you bang
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
