I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
