can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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