When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
