Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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