I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it glows. i had to have it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
