Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
