Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
