You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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