I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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