Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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