every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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