There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
