Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
