She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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