Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
