Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
