you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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