I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
