now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
