I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
