the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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