They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
